The “Keep-Away Rock” From Decoy Ring to Deep Healing

A few years ago, if you saw me out at a lounge in Buckhead or grabbing coffee in Midtown, you would have noticed a beautiful, sparkling rock on my left hand. It looked official. It looked like a promise. It looked like "happily ever after."

But it was a lie.

I called it my "Keep-Away Rock." I wasn't engaged; I was exhausted. I was so sick of the heartbreak, the infidelity, the "situationships," and the false starts in dating that I went out and bought my own ring just to keep men from speaking to me. I didn't want to be "seen," I didn't want to be "pursued," and I certainly didn't want to be "loved." I was through.

I wore that ring as a shield, hoping that if men saw it, they wouldn't even bother hitting on me. I had decided that my "person" didn't exist, and I was preparing to spend the rest of my life in a beautiful, well-decorated fortress of one.

At the time, I thought the ring was my genius little secret. I thought I was "hacking" the dating scene by putting up a physical stop sign. But looking back with healed eyes, I realize the ring was just a prop for the real show.

The real "Keep-Away Rock" wasn't on my finger; it was in my chest.

I was so bitter toward dating, toward men, and toward every "situationship" and "manipulation-ship" I had ever sunk in, that my heart had literally petrified. I heart wasn’t just guarded; it was hard. And here is the thing about a hard heart: it doesn't just block the bad; it repels the good.

I thought the decoy ring was working because the "wrong" men weren't hitting on me, but the truth was that my energy was doing the heavy lifting. I was vibrating at a frequency of resistance. People weren't staying away because they respected the "commitment" on my hand, they were staying away because they could feel the "Keep Out" radiating from my soul.

When you are that bitter, your energy becomes a wall of static that no one wants to tune into.

We talk about these "ships" the ones that failed and the ones that left us stranded. But when we don't process the wreckage, we carry the debris into every new harbor. My heart had become so heavy with the weight of past infidelities and broken promises that I wasn't just "through" with love; I was at war with it.

I realized that my "Keep-Away Rock" was actually a form of self-sabotage. I was so afraid of being hurt again that I became the very thing I hated: cold, unyielding, and emotionally unavailable. I wasn't waiting for "the one"; I was hiding from the possibility that he might actually show up and require me to be soft again.

For the woman who thinks she’s just being "careful" but might actually be "closed":

• Audit Your Energy: If you find that everyone is resisting you, it’s time to check what you’re projecting. Are you offering a seat at the table, or have you already flipped the table over in anticipation of a fight?

• Softness is the Real Strength: In your 40s, we’ve been taught that being "tough" is how we survive. But real power lies in the ability to stay soft in a world that tries to harden you.

• Melt the Stone: You don't need a fake ring to protect you. You need a healed heart that can discern the difference between a threat and a blessing. If you don't melt the "Keep-Away Rock" in your chest, you’ll never be able to feel the warmth of the real thing when it arrives.

I finally took the ring off, but more importantly, I let God do the surgery on my heart. I had to trade that "Keep-Away Rock" for a heart of flesh one that could feel, one that could hope, and one that was brave enough to be seen again.

Don't let your past heartbreaks turn you into a monument of bitterness. The "ships" may have sunk, but you are still standing on the shore. Take off the decoy, drop the armor, and trust that your healed energy will attract exactly what you’ve been praying for without you having to say a word.

Continue to write your story, one healing page at a time... QP